Monday, April 27, 2015

Bham Bham!

To make myself feel better, I watch Law & Order: SVU. What better way to provide perspective into how one's life does not suck as much.

I am down today. Low, low, low. I am trying to kick myself out of it, but I sense that I will be like this for the indeterminable future. Therefore, this week's instinctual apology will be for the depressing posts that will inevitably arrive so that I may work out the crazy in my mind.

Back to T.V.

I cannot focus on any other program. I know there is plenty of other quality programming and movies I should be watching, but I tried 2 different movies and 3 different TV shows before I could focus.

However, the plot lines in this particular season seem beyond trite; mirroring CNN from the recent 2 years. Ahhh... I long for the good-ol-days of classic SVU plot twists, some of them obviously predictable. A recycled news story example: Cybill Shepard is playing a mock Paula Dean who shot a hoodie wearing tall black man. Originality quite questionable indeed.

Regardless, Law & Order: SVU has been my television savior.
Thank you Mariska Hargitay and Dick Wolf.

Also, quite predictably, wine has been my other savior. Stop worrying mom, not copious quantities. Alcoholism runs in my family, this is something of which I am conscious, especially as I age (sound cue: collective groan for aging). I admit to this more as a joke than a truth. Let me clarify, I have been enjoying wine a lot more, because I have not been gulping it down in mass quantities to forget my woes.  I have been savoring it (see what I did there?). Better on the palette and the pocketbook. (Nonetheless, as aforementioned in a prior post - all donations to the Briley Restoration Project will be accepted via wine).

It has been a trying day. Fear of the unknown is something that I am, unquestionably, not alone in dreading. Impatience is another vice with which I struggle. Of course, I envy the person who makes a life altering choice and is miraculously perfection in short order. Yet, not for me. As I am currently finding little faith in the male counterpart of our species to have the ability to feel love or any emotion, it is clear that I've got some growing to do still.

To others I do say this: I am confident this, whatever 'this' is, will improve. My life is not over. I am cognizant of this. At this point, however, I do not know which way is up, but not for reasons everyone may assume.

I am unsure of the path which I will follow. I have to wait for the cards to fall, as they painfully tumble sluggishly through the air. Once they descend and the dust settles - I'll then begin meandering down, whatever path it is that I am lead to, towards the reconstruction I know will develop.

That's quasi-hopeful, right? 10 Points to Ravenclaw!

As the magnetic actor Ice-T proclaims, reverberating the vapid drama in my life,  "That's messed up!"

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