Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Let's not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that's gone

How bitter and trite was that last post, eh?

I am in a better place this week, although the general sentiment that spurred that tirade is still true, I am in a much more logical frame of mind.

Although, still angry and hurt.

Anger derived from circumstance and situation. Fear is what makes me angry. Impatience is what makes me angry. Surely everyone can empathize with this on some level. I will not pretend my thoughts or situation have not been successfully navigated in the past, as worse winds have blown even the strongest ships that sail on; but, quite obviously, I am not shy about chewing up those who merely want to offer kind words of encouragement and subsequently spitting the sentiment on the pavement. Watch your step, you could step your Sperry into the spray of partially masticated friendships on the road.

So for that, let me extend an apology. Yes – your sentiment was not well received simply because I am a Grade-AA Lunatic, but whether it was extended out of sincerity or social obligation, thank you for sharing it.

Hurt of my own volition. Undeniably, it appears I never learn from my past mistakes. I feel Groundhog’s Day-ed into repeating them. Hurt manifested from the psychosis of my own thoughts and theories, which will one day… one day hopefully soon… be put to bed. The feeling also stemming from past errors in judgment and trust, which I fear I will repeat. Or have already echoed the error in another cave.

Oh woe is me… blah blah blah… Perhaps next week I’ll find another reason to apologize about this post. Undoubtedly, that will be the case, as it seems to be my sad sadistic pattern.

Fun Fact: This Grade-AA Lunatic will seek assistance from a qualified professional. Perhaps a non-self-depreciating joke and, dare I say, positivity will leak its way into this banal personal-online-register-of-oversharing.

Until then, my future apology will not write itself.

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